Porn Star Boobs

This is by far my favorite blog entry to date.  Don’t get me wrong.  I love writing about hearing my baby’s heartbeat and seeing her sesame seed face on the ultrasound, however, is there anything better to write about than BOOBS?!  I think not.  

Boobs are a huge part of pregnancy, in more ways than one.  Women, like my wife, often worry that after pregnancy their boobs will never be the same.  I think of the song “Do your ears hang low, do they wobble to and fro, can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow…” (replace ears with boobs).  The fear is that their boobs will change colors, shapes, sizes, hang low and never go back.  Well, I can’t say some or all of this won’t happen, however, boobs getting bigger is straight up awesome.  Now, not to put my wife’s business out there (oh wait, I do that every week), but before she was pregnant, her boobs were a size G.  Yes, a G.  You read that right.  She is a small girl with huge boobies (one of the many reasons I put a ring on it).  So starting off with a size G boobs has to be a bit daunting once you get pregnant.  It’s a given that your boobs are going to get bigger.  I mean, they feed your child so naturally that milk has to be held somewhere and it ain’t in your booty.  My wife had extremely sensitive boobs before she got pregnant and there was a huge concern that she wouldn’t be able to breast feed because she wouldn’t be able to handle the pain.  Also, she feared suffocating our baby with her enlarged and engorged G+ boobs.  Totally natural fear, I’m sure ;)  Watching the changes in my wife’s boobs throughout her pregnancy was pretty cool.  I mean, she had porno boobs.  Not a bad sight to look at for 9 months!  I will fully admit, yes ladies, your boobs will change.  Your areolas will most likely get bigger and darker and your nipples will start forming some yellowish crusty stuff (sounds gross but that is your liquid gold aka colostrum). The fun doesn’t stop there.  Once the baby is born, your boobs will no longer be your own. They belong to your beloved baby.  They will likely chafe, bleed, crack and be sore as fuck.  BUT, despite the pain and awfulness I am describing, the mere thought that milk from your boobs is feeding and nourishing your child is so freaking cool and awesome, nothing else really matters.  At least for my wife it didn’t.  My wife is a god damn trooper.  That’s all I gotta say about that.  Oh, and her boobs look fantastic post-pregnancy and post breast feeding.  So, perhaps there is a small light at the end of the booby tunnel.  Happy maternity bra and breast pad shopping :)