Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
I had been reading the pregnancy bible, “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” for many months now. I had finally reached the section about the essential things you need for your babies arrival. I had also been reading about baby registries and my wife and decided it was time to take our first trip to Buy Buy Baby. It was a nice fall Saturday afternoon when we decided to venture out. Upon arrival they have dedicated parking spots for expectant mothers and moms with newborns…off to a good start! However, upon walking in seeing the swarms of people we both became instantly overwhelmed. We decided to open our registry and they handed us this fun little scanner so we could simply walk around and scan things we wanted. Sounded similar to what we did for our wedding registry which I had a blast doing. I actually had a little too much fun with our wedding registry (I still don’t use the damn ice cream maker I got…whoopsies). So upon being handed another scanner shopping experience, I was ready..or so I thought. We started at the front of the store in the stroller and car seat section. BIG mistake. There were about 100 different stroller options. Some convertible, some stand alone, some with 3 wheels, some with 4, lots of different bells and whistles and colors and holy shit my heads was already spinning. We decided it would be wise to ask someone for help. The guy we asked was kind of an idiot. He basically told us it was up to us and our personal preference what we wanted for a stroller and car seat and if we told him what we wanted he could tell us what was best. The point was that we had no fucking idea what we wanted or what would be best! Ok, take a breath. We decided to move onto the next section.
Cribs and mattresses were next and unfortunately, no better than car seats and strollers. There were approximately 15 different mattress options ranging from $100-$400 and the descriptions on them were of no help. I had no clue what coil structure would be best for a baby and was once again, overwhelmed. Luckily in the mattress section they had all kinds of recliners and rocking chairs and I decided it was time to take a time out. My wife and I plopped down in our respective chairs and just sat there rocking back and forth, staring blankly at each other. Maybe we should check out monitors. That should be easy, right? Wrong. Yet again, so many options, so little information. Fuck my life. I was having a rude wake up call that I knew absolutely nothing about baby stuff.
I told my wife I was headed into the baby clothes section. That would be my safe haven. I can always find my happy place here. Just wait until I tell you about my baby clothes shopping obsession. After about 5 minutes perusing cute onsies, my wife and I were both more than defeated. I think we scanned approximately 3 things which included diapers and pacifiers and wipes. We both looked at each other and decided it would be best to come back another time when we had a half a clue what the hell we were looking for. Our next plan of attack, make an appointment with a Buy Buy Baby specialist to help us figure out what da fuck we need. Word to the wise, don’t go into that store for the first time alone. You will have a nervous breakdown and likely cry.
I would like to mention a little shout out to The Semenette. XBIZ, the leading adult industry media source holds an awards ceremony every year to honor the best of the best in the adult industry. This year, out of 8,000 nominees, The Semenette is a nominee finalist for Couples Sex Toy of the Year and Specialty Pleasure Product of the Year. Pretty humbled and excited about it. Until next week!
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
|This is what your baby looks like :)|
It’s kind of surreal when the 3rd trimester arrives. It’s been a long 27ish weeks to get there and now that you are in the final haul, reality is definitely going to start settling in. In this trimester there are so many new and exciting things that will happen, mainly, the big event. Insert panic attack and inner freak out. To see your partners belly go from normal to holy shit there’s a baby in there and the moment when you actually realize that you are about to embark on being a parent is the most insane feeling in the world. To this day, I still have those surreal moments when I’m staring at my daughter and my wife and thinking about how she started as a poppy seed and now she is sitting on our couch with us. The fact that my wife’s body nurtured her for 9 months and that she was a living person growing inside my wife’s belly is crazy to me. When you really stop and think about it, creating a child truly is nothing short of a miracle.
This trimester is when the fun really begins and I’ll be touching upon all kinds of funny topics such as baby shopping, creating your registry, 3D and 4D ultrasounds, baby kicks all the way up to the actual birth. If you haven’t already noticed, I don’t hold much of anything back so stay tuned for lots more jaw dropping material to come.
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
As if being pregnant, hormonal and ever expanding wasn’t bad enough, you still have to worry about keeping some sense of personal grooming intact during your pregnancy. Let’s be honest, shaving is annoying. If you have ever read my other blog, you will know that I am anti-hair everywhere to the point where I have to shave every day. I can’t stand the feeling of stubble or hair on me and I’m just not a fan of a wiffle down there so I spend an extra 5 or so minutes each morning shaving all my parts. Imagine how annoying the task of shaving is for the average person and now magnify that by adding that you can barely see over your belly. How the heck does one attempt to shave their lady parts when they can’t even see their feet?
As my wife’s belly was expanding, I often remember her getting out of the shower and we would laugh together because she would tell me how hard it is for her to shave and how annoying it was to try and shave your vagina blindly. The worst times were when she would nick herself, see blood and then would have a minor freak out moment thinking she was bleeding internally. I would constantly ask her what I could get for her to help assist in her hair removal process but there was just no good response. Calling all you inventors out there, there is the need for something to help pregnant women see when they are shaving! I thought about getting her some sort of chair and mirror to basically sit and see, but the idea of that for my wife was not only embarrassing but way too overwhelming. I even offered to shave for her but that got an even worse response. Can’t blame me for trying! At the end of the day, everyone will have their own personal grooming preferences and after seeing my wife give birth, I gotta say, a little hair was the last thing anyone was thinking about.