I had been reading the pregnancy bible, “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” for many months now. I had finally reached the section about the essential things you need for your babies arrival. I had also been reading about baby registries and my wife and decided it was time to take our first trip to Buy Buy Baby. It was a nice fall Saturday afternoon when we decided to venture out. Upon arrival they have dedicated parking spots for expectant mothers and moms with newborns…off to a good start! However, upon walking in seeing the swarms of people we both became instantly overwhelmed. We decided to open our registry and they handed us this fun little scanner so we could simply walk around and scan things we wanted. Sounded similar to what we did for our wedding registry which I had a blast doing. I actually had a little too much fun with our wedding registry (I still don’t use the damn ice cream maker I got…whoopsies). So upon being handed another scanner shopping experience, I was ready..or so I thought. We started at the front of the store in the stroller and car seat section. BIG mistake. There were about 100 different stroller options. Some convertible, some stand alone, some with 3 wheels, some with 4, lots of different bells and whistles and colors and holy shit my heads was already spinning. We decided it would be wise to ask someone for help. The guy we asked was kind of an idiot. He basically told us it was up to us and our personal preference what we wanted for a stroller and car seat and if we told him what we wanted he could tell us what was best. The point was that we had no fucking idea what we wanted or what would be best! Ok, take a breath. We decided to move onto the next section.
Cribs and mattresses were next and unfortunately, no better than car seats and strollers. There were approximately 15 different mattress options ranging from $100-$400 and the descriptions on them were of no help. I had no clue what coil structure would be best for a baby and was once again, overwhelmed. Luckily in the mattress section they had all kinds of recliners and rocking chairs and I decided it was time to take a time out. My wife and I plopped down in our respective chairs and just sat there rocking back and forth, staring blankly at each other. Maybe we should check out monitors. That should be easy, right? Wrong. Yet again, so many options, so little information. Fuck my life. I was having a rude wake up call that I knew absolutely nothing about baby stuff.
I told my wife I was headed into the baby clothes section. That would be my safe haven. I can always find my happy place here. Just wait until I tell you about my baby clothes shopping obsession. After about 5 minutes perusing cute onsies, my wife and I were both more than defeated. I think we scanned approximately 3 things which included diapers and pacifiers and wipes. We both looked at each other and decided it would be best to come back another time when we had a half a clue what the hell we were looking for. Our next plan of attack, make an appointment with a Buy Buy Baby specialist to help us figure out what da fuck we need. Word to the wise, don’t go into that store for the first time alone. You will have a nervous breakdown and likely cry.
I would like to mention a little shout out to The Semenette. XBIZ, the leading adult industry media source holds an awards ceremony every year to honor the best of the best in the adult industry. This year, out of 8,000 nominees, The Semenette is a nominee finalist for Couples Sex Toy of the Year and Specialty Pleasure Product of the Year. Pretty humbled and excited about it. Until next week!
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